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Your Toolkit For Small Talk – #1 Relax

Imagine, you are seated at a table with 7 other people. Be it at a wedding, at a conference or at the Oscars. Are you anxious or relaxed? Do you have the toolset to get the most out of the situation?

Mostly, we get confused: What topics can I talk about? How much is enough about me? How may I switch to the next person? What is the best case scenario? How can I avoid the worst case?

In the following 5 blog posts, I will give you 5 tools that you can use to get the best out of a seated small talk situation.

#1 Relax

Remember the movie “Catch me if you can”?
Leonardo DiCaprio’s character, Frank Abagnale was a guy, who always knew where, how and what to say. He always seemed confident and was always ready to charm the person he wanted. Frank might have had an easier job, though, since his lines had been written.

Still, what if we would be able to identify a few of these kinds of people’s traits and learn how to use them for our own purposes?

I say, let’s “Frank” up! 🙂

Before you get into any kind of similar situation, you have to prepare yourself.

You must have met those extroverted people, who every 30 minutes find themselves talking to a random stranger, be the scene an elevator, a restaurant, or a cashier at the local shop. The whole world is their friend. These people keep having an open mindset. They focus on the moment.

Can you imagine them having the same delightful personality while trying to prepare a whole presentation in the last minute or trying to figure out how to get the dog to the doctor and the kids to the piano lesson at the same time?

At the moment, when you see them charmingly chitchatting with strangers, they are just enjoying life. The beauties, that it gave them at that very moment. They don’t care about the hassles and worries of everyday life. They think of life’s big picture and they enjoy the moment.

Noone can be opened to casual small talk, while their mind is set to focus on solving a problem.

So what you need to do is:

You need to stay relaxed

You need to enjoy the moment. Look around and be able to see the beauties that surround you. It can be in the form of a nice smell, a beautiful decoration, a piece of lovely music, a delicious food, or a warm spring breeze on your cheeks.

(Notice that almost each of these surrounding beauties can be good conversation starters)

The above ideas are all based on the 5 senses. They are ways to get stimuli from the world.

Use the senses to your advantage

When about to go to an event, start focusing on what you hear, see and smell.

When you get into your car, start playing a song that you like. Listen to it and feel it!

When you arrive at the parking lot, look around. Do you see a beautiful car? Enjoy the view.

Then you enter the building. If it’s a high-end event, that is located in a 5-star hotel, for instance, you can bet, they took care to stimulate most of your senses. They do this to give you a more intense experience so you would come back again and again.

Stop for a moment. Close your eyes and take a deep breath. What senses do you think they tried to use to dazzle the guests? Once you are able to notice at least three stimuli coming from 3 of the 5 senses, then you are ready.

What’s the result?

Notice that by this time you will have forgotten every small frustrating thought that was in your mind when you got into your car.

Being relaxed is the only way to be open to other people. This is the only way to become a casual conversationer. To become someone others truly want at their table. More, than anyone else.

How do you engage or what topics to use? If you want to know more, stay tuned by subscribing below. 🙂

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